Retrospect

“Other people’s opinion of you is none of your business” is up there with my all time favorite quotes spoken by none other than the incredible Rachel Hollis. Why do we care so much? Why do we hold ourselves back from true greatness because someone wants to talk shit and bully us into thinking less of ourselves. I’m over it. I’m just fucking over it.

Anyone watched the Disney movie Inside Out? It’s about the emotions that live inside an 11 year old girl’s head and how these personified emotions use a control panel to react to her surroundings. One thing that struck a chord with me was this. At the end, as the main character gets older, a new control panel gets rolled in with more buttons and different features. This signified that as we grow, our emotional intelligence grows and we need to explore it.

If I could turn back time (if I could find a place), I would jump back to being a teenager and share five things with my past self. These were huge game changers for the way I perceived myself and the way I thought others perceived me. Now, maybe teenage Rachel wouldn’t have been emotionally mature enough to put these into action, but it was an interesting thought I had as I was braiding my hair yesterday.

1)     Rejection is not personal

When I was younger, I was deathly afraid of rejection. It was awkward. It made me feel like I was never going to amount to anything. I tried to avoid it at all costs. Enter a really terrible habit: perfectionism. I was so obsessed with making everything absolutely perfect so I couldn’t fail. I was so achievement driven (and still am) that if someone wanted to criticize me or tell me now, I could find comfort in my accolades. Oh what a slippery slope that is and how difficult it was to climb out of that hole. I’m still halfway in it some days.

Rejection is part of life, but the more you experience it, the easier it becomes to hear because you can start to pick out the whys behind it. I read this somewhere, but it boils down to two things A) not now or B) not me. Point me to a situation where one of those isn’t the option. I’ll wait.

2)     Embrace positive karma more

We often talk about karma in a negative way, but I have learned that karma works almost just as wonderfully in the opposite direction. The more good that you put out into the world, the more good that comes to find you in return. It’s not just the luck that you have, but it’s also the people that you meet. You attract what you are, so if you’re optimistic with the best intentions and you keep living your truth with integrity, you’re going to get that in return.

3)     Don’t relive the past

STOP. RELIVING. EMBARRASSING. MOMENTS. Like, just stop while you’re ahead. Living in the past does no good for your present or the future unless you are constructively breaking it down and understanding how to become a better person from that experience. By no means am I saying to ignore it, but I am suggesting that you don’t put yourself through that emotional turmoil again. If you can focus on lessons learned and how you’re going to be a better person than you were yesterday, that’s the right way to look back on your past. Let go of the small moments that do not define who you are as a person.

4)     Make something happen, don’t wait for it

One of my ex’s had a tattoo from Invictus “I am the master of my fate. I am the captain of my soul.” in some really awesome script font down his back. These words still stick with me to this day because I have gotten nowhere fast without fighting for what I want. From an outsider’s view, you may think it just simply happened to me or I got lucky, but another supplemental quote that compliments this viewpoint is from Seneca “luck is when preparation meets opportunity”. While I may not talk about how hard that fight was (or is, if I’m still in it), know that it wasn’t without a whole lot of adversity.

5)     Nothing worth living for comes from your comfort zone

Sparks dies in a comfort zone. Your flame gets smothered by that nice cozy blanket of what you think is making you happy. I’m not saying don’t enjoy comfortable seasons. I’m not saying work yourself into the ground. I’m simply saying that moving forward is what we need to do as humans to fulfill our purpose. We don’t have a highly developed frontal cortex for nothing. You have purpose in this life and you are meant for something more than just existing. Find out what sets your soul on fire and just GO FOR IT!

-Rachel