Side by Side
Comparison is the thief of joy. Sit in this statement for a moment. Step back and think of the last time you were really excited about something, but then you went ahead and compared yourself to someone else. Probably made you feel pretty shitty right? What about a different angle on comparison though? Have you ever aspired to be like someone and that it gave you the strength to make some big changes for yourself? Let’s break down the two ways we let comparison show up in our lives and how we can use it to our advantage.
When we start something new, there is a thing about new beginnings that releases all of the feel-good chemicals into our brain. We get excited because we’ve never experienced it before, we see progress with ourselves, and we start to think “hey, I can do this!” What we fail to do as humans is to continue to allow ourselves to experience that joy. Through reading Dare to Lead by Brene Brown, joy is our most vulnerable emotion and we inadvertently sabotage it regularly. We like to do this by making comparisons.
When I first started on this endeavor to run a website, create community, and become a career coach, I had butterflies. It felt so amazing to embark on such an incredible journey. I started hacking away at some surface level items and I felt like I was on fire. I decided that it might be a good idea to check out the competition, so down the Instagram rabbit hole I went. The more I researched, the more I felt like I was never going to amount to any of these amazing women. I felt really discouraged and I started asking myself the question “who do you think you are?” because I could never accomplish something like that.
I read somewhere that motivation is something we have to continually work on every single day, so when I’m feeling defeated, I turn on my favorite podcasts to get me amped back up. One of the episodes I chose was perfect timing for this feeling. The host said: yes, there is a lot of competition out there, but no one is going to do it like you. That made me stop and think hard about the inadequacy I was feeling at the time. No one is going to do it like I do it. THIS. This is exactly what I needed.
I had dug myself into this shameful space that I wouldn’t be a good coach by comparing myself to other coaches. I knew I was going to continue making comparisons, so what would my mindset have to be in order to keep moving forward? My new mindset is this: no one will do it like you, but take the pieces that are working from others. Looking at this more as market research objectively has helped me change my perception of what I can accomplish.
I now look at these Instagram pages for metrics, engagement, keywords, hashtags, and try to understand their successes instead of projecting onto myself that I will never measure up. We have to have confidence in ourselves that we can learn the new thing and be great at it in the future. Why would we squash that confidence so quickly? Honestly, because sometimes we fear how great we can actually be if we put our whole hearts into it.
Comparison can be your best friend or your worst enemy; it’s all how you intentionally manage it. Don’t let comparison stop you from going after what you really want in your career, in your goals, and in your life. No one can do it like you can do it and that’s the cold hard truth.
Stay confident.
-Rachel
